Thank you loser

This is a public thank you/flogging for the low-life loser who threw a rock through my driverside window and shattered the entire thing at Cliff Park today. An extra special thank you for obviously watching me when I parked so you'd know just where I was (albeit stupidly) hiding my purse.

It was awesome that you charged $108 and some change at the Webster's Corner corner store. Even more thrilling was the way you charged $500 at the Esso at 248th and Dewdney buying 5 $100 Keno tickets. Please, let's be friends so you can teach me how to be as big of a loser as you. Seriously...Keno tickets??!!! The pinacle has to be the fact that you were on digital serveillance and, due to my super-sleuthing skills, the tapes are being e-mailed to the RCMP as we speak. My kudos to Mastercard who so kindly informed me of, specifically, where you had charged and for the fraud department who noticed that this was not usual and tried calling my house to check it out. A heartfelt thank you for being fantastic and on the ball (I'm serious about this thank you).

I'm not sure why you're such an angry and unintelligent person or why you would do this to me. Was it the fact that I was carrying a few thousand things in my arms and trying to ensure that the child I was with would not be run over and it was so obvious that my multi-tasking skills were nearing their limit so I might not notice? Did it look like me and the super handsome 7-year-old I was with were way too happy and having too much fun singing along with Dave Matthews cover of Time of The Season and you just couldn't stand it because you're a miserable human being?

Well, you should know that after the super handsome 7-year-old, literally, played the best soccer game of his life our celebration on the way back to my car was cut short as I tried to clean up glass and get my parents to cancel my credit and bank cards and figure out what to do. And how after the chaos had died down I looked over at him and my heart broke because he was crying and when I picked him up to give him a cuddle how he sobbed into my shoulder. He asked "who did this to our car?" and I had to tell him that "awful people" had done this. On the way to McDonald's, for the lunch he so deserved, he told me that the car was sad because it had no window. I don't think his super-cool Happy Meal toy will make up for this one.

I'm so exhausted right now. I've been running all over town, phoning more people than I cared to and telling them exactly the same information. It's such a long process-driver's license, birth certificate, carecard, gym membership, university alumni card, bank card, credit card, Serving It Right certificate, Petro Points card. Oh, and that money order for my student loan...I'm sure the government will be super understanding of the fact that you suck. And the $20 in my wallet...please enjoy dinner out (I hope you get salmonella). I had salmonella once and thought I was going to throw-up my intestines...I hope you actually do. I won't lie, I miss the monetary things that you took from me, those things that I worked so hard for, and it worries me. But what I miss most is the time of joy that you robbed from me and that 7-year-old boy, the most handsome and coolest boy I know. It's too bad we both had to find out how much some people suck today.