Friday, April 28, 2006

98 and 3/4% Garaunteed?

If I had to guess, that's what I'd estimate the certainty of me actually getting my new vehicle tomorrow at. Just dealt with yea olde bank. The first woman we had contact with made me so frustrated (she wasted a literal hour of my time) that she gave me an actual, physical headache. Then the bank manager came to visit and she's now on my Top 5 People That I Love At The Bank list. I just got off the phone with the dealership and made an apppointment at 3:30pm tomorrow to go do all the official stuff. Vive le France! There's a very real possibility that I'll have a new ride tomorrow! And then I'll have to learn how to drive it because it's a 5-speed and I've only ever driven auto. Hey, free neck braces and/or helmets to all passengers within the first month of me learning to drive standard:) Stay tuned for all the hot details...

Monday, April 24, 2006

Tapp's Talks & Other Tales

So this past weekend Heather and I attended the 11am service at church and let me just say that our senior pastor, Derrick, was on! Instead of taking sermon notes, we took note of his jokes. Hey, God likes to laugh too. It helps that Derrick rocks the Southern accent and is often passionate when he speaks. It also helps that when our church had a catwalk at Easter that he possed on it Charlie's Angels style with me and Heather (see Heather's blog for the picture). And in light of that I bring to you the following quotes:

"What you get from Bill is more like 'Plop...plop...plop'"

"Look at everybody else...they got a right side and a left side!"

"Anybody been sawed in half lately?!"

"Just because he's in spandex doesn't mean he can run."

"It's a carniverous plant. Oh yeah. It's a meat-eater! Yeah! What a plant!"

"You're gonna run in the race? You are? Yeah, for a kilometre you're gonna run the race, then you're gonna CRAWL!!"

"What did Jesus do? He smacked him! No he didn't!?!"

Infact, these past few days have been rich with quotes. I can't remember all of them but Mike-he's tall and that's not all-had a couple of gooders today when he came to visit us...

"You only make one mistake once."

"When people said 'metrosexual' I thought they meant gay people rode buses, but then it was explained to me."

Folks, I'm swimming in a sea of hilarity. No need to save me...I'm willing to go down with this ship.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Life is a highway

And I need a car so I can ride it all night long! Since Ruth turned her last corner I've been driving my family's brown '86 Ford F250, long box, extended cab truck-mostly kept for it's ability to haul vast amounts of hay and affectionately known as Big Brown around our house. But I think the fact that I can control that beast of twisted metal makes me hot.

There was a car I had found and loved and lined up and then it failed our mechanic's inspection, so it's onward and upward from here. I'm going to check out a VW on Thursday (the only day I could coordinate with my family in order to have a smaller ride) and I'm hoping it works out. Especially since I've been lusting after VW's in most forms since before I could drive.

On the upside I have enough car salesman cards to start up an official collection. I don't know at what quantity a collection becomes 'official' but I'm pretty sure that mine qualifies.

So Much To Say...

...but it will have to wait for another time. Right now it's time to say "Goodbye trusty steed, goodbye". Yes, the inevitable has come true. I was on the way to a friend's studio to record a little didgeridoo for the TR cd and as I rounded a corner my engine gave way.

Every light on the dash lit up, each in their glory, smacking of a time I saw the sun gloriously peeking through the clouds over the English Chanel and thought how amazing it looked. This was amazing in an entirely different way. Amazing in the way that I recognized right away that this was most likely Ruth's swan song as I coasted around the corner and into the parking lot of an Indian food restaurant. My friend's wife, Jeanette, came and rescued me and we got the didg track done. Then Heather came and picked me up and she fed me a burger. We had a marathon of laughs ala Dodgeball (Vince!), Saved (what can one say?), and Strictly Ballroom (oh Baz) and then she took me home.

I'm sure there will be more to come as this story unfolds-Ruth is still in the parking lot, I need to find a car today-but let me just say that this has been one wild and bittersweet ride with my dear Tracker Ruth. At a time such as this only Dave seems remotely adequate or appropriate: "Lights down, you up and die".

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Slashed Tops & Birth Control

Monday came and, with it, the third break-in to my car in just as many months. Only this time they slashed my top some. And laid everything out very neatly over my front seats and driverside floor...creepy and violating. And my friend Lindsay's car also got broken into, same time, same place. We were at Bible study and God was speaking to me about peace. For those of you there, yes, I was in rough shape (a less-than-stellar weekend-and, really, 2 weeks- all around, this was just the last straw) but if had not been for all the amazing people I know I'm not sure how it would have all played out. I owe many thanks to many people for that night. Thank you for your care and kindness.

Today I might have experienced the most potent form of birth control: 4 children, ages 9, 6, 4, and 18 months. I know these children well. I love them dearly. Today we found ourselves in Burnaby and, while their mom was at an appointment, I looked after them. I've looked after them myself a couple times before, but never like this. I took them to McDonald's to take advantage of the play area because, hey, I'm resourceful like that. After we grabbed some orange juice we headed back to pick-up their mom. Then we all headed to the center of North American consumerism via Sweden: Ikea. I bought a couple of things, snagged a couple of good deals. And, to my shock and amazement, I would like to let you all know that you can feed 2 adults and 4 children at Ikea for $8. Those Swede's know how to do it up!

Then came our undoing...Chapter's. Again, a few good books, a few good deals (Homer's Illiad and Odessey and The DaVinci Code). By this time the kids are getting tired but we're waiting to pick up their dad from work. Our excursion there ended with the mom making a mad dash to buy our books and get us coffee and me pushing a stroller containing a screaming toddler followed by one screaming child, one whining child, and the final child out to the van. After buckling up 2 carseats I waited outside the van because, hey, I did nothing wrong so I shouldn't have to wait with the contained screaming and crying children. That resulted in 2 people approaching me to ask if I needed help and me explaining that I was waiting for their mom. I think that a similar experience to this would be a great form of birth control for, well, anyone.

There are quite a few things from this past weekend that I'm still thinking over and assimilating, but for now I've soothed my tired, fed-up self with sushi and Garden State and now I'm off to knit. After all, what else would you expect from a purveyor of the unique?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

For Your Information

I just thought that you should know that Ruth-Tracker extraordinaire, known by many, loved by probably just me-is on her way out. Sure, we've all seen it coming. You can hear it in the way her engine no longer purrs. It sounds more like she has Tourrette's. My Tracker doesn't park, it lands.

If someone else drives it without me, they are required to sit through a lecture on the art of how exactly to get it into gear. The delicate dance of gas, brake, and 2nd and drive...even though she's an automatic. If someone else drives it with me they are only required to listen carefully and act with cat-like reflexes to commands of "easy on the gas", hit the brakes!", "now floor it!!!" all whelst I work the gear shift. It's not driving, it's an art form.

And the dear transmission. Ruth has a built-in massage feature. Some others of you out there may refer to it as "idling". Now besides the transmission going, the intake manifold needs new gaskets (something about air leaking in or out) and one of the pistons has stopped working due to the fact that part of a sparkplug broke off and ruined it. Oh, but $286 later, the front oil seal has been fixed. Whew! That was a close one!

I was trying to make Ruth last until September when I was going to look into a new vehicle but our mechanic has given her a couple of months so the search is beginning a little earlier than I would like it to. But then again, I'm not the One incharge here. Ruth is getting old. I've had her since 1998 but she's a 1992. I'm looking at 8 years of memories all rolled up in one car! The trips to Seattle and Tacoma, her recent trip to the Island, all the times we've been lost in Vancouver, the dance parties, the late night talks, the aimless driving, frozen locks in Langley, "kidnappings" and all sorts of late night mayhem, drive-in movies, and all the topless adventures you could shake a stick at (relax, remember that my Tracker is a soft-top convertable). So if I were you I'd start signing up for your last Tracker adventure as soon as possible.

Folks, this is a limited time offer.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Life Exploded (but only a little)

I'm working to sort out the past 3 days. During this time a smattering of things has happened. My front oil seal broke so when I went to the Vancouver Aquarium today I rented a car because the mechanic can't get me in until Tuesday. The upside is that until 8:30am tomorrow morning I'm rocking the 2006 Civic which only had 500km on it. The men love it...there have been a lot of second looks today. Then there's my cell phone. I dropped it (the hinge was already missing a tiny piece) and the dang thing split in two, so I had to buy a new phone yesterday. Luckily they could still transfer my contacts and that was the happy moment in that dark tunnel. And 2 good friends are moving. One to Arizona with her husband and baby daughter at the end of April and the other is moving in September to Abbotsford. It's been a little hard to digest but I think I've almost made it through. But just incase, anyone have some Pepto on hand? :)